My Porsche has been a pain in my ass, if it wasn't one thing breaking, once I got it running again, something else broke. Basically I had to replace the starter and then the clutch cylinder. Pain in my ass. And I think the thermometer is out. But that's for another day.
I've actually been going to the doctors. Ick. Yeah, I know. I hate doctors and I will rant and complain and evil doctors (and vets). But that is why I drive almost two towns over to see this particular doctor. But, anyways. I've been going to the doctor because there were suspicions I might have cancer. Uterine or Ovarian cancer to be precise. So far the tests are all returning with negative signs and I'm going back in a week or so for more tests.
My grandmother-in-law had a mini stroke. (My husbands grandmother) Of my husband family, I get along with her the most. I love listening to her stories about her life and experiences. Or just discussing recipes or recent news with her. We were all worried and scared for her. But thankfully, she pulled through. And is not almost back to normal. Now if only she would quit smoking.
My Great Aunt Patty died. I didn't see her much growing up because she lived almost on the other side of the state. But she was one of the few family members I could remember even though I saw her less. She died from cancer. I was never told which cancer she had but that's not important. Patty was a woman I admired. She was so bright, witty, energetic and just filled with sunshine. And yet she was so tiny. She was fire in a small package. Something I didn't know about her was that she was religious. Her pastor at the funeral said even though she had cancer for such a long time and even knew she was near her end, she never gave up her faith. She was never angry, never felt shortened, and wanted everyone to know she loved them and she was without pain with Jesus. I cried so hard even though I'm not religious. But the thought of my loved one going through so much pain but always keeping a happy heart. I loved her and I will remember her. I swear that. I will not let her disappear from my memories. Rest in Peace Patty.
We were out of town for a bit because Jorel (my husband) had to go out of state for a special army class. The trip was horrible the experience a pain, and we were screwed over in money. Let's just say, I maybe be never going back to Arkansas. But, the trip back was nice. We stopped at a nice hotel I've been having my eye on. It was so much relaxing and better to wind down the trip with.
More recently. My grandmother had a heart attack the other day. So we've been at my mother's house giving support. We are all scared for her.Well, I don't think my husband cares. He's been so grumpy lately. It's been almost heartbreaking. He's supposed to be the one that holds me when I'm scared, and he just tunes me out whenever I try to talk to him. But enough about that. I'm worried for my grandmother. I love her dearly. She has been declining in health for awhile now and this heart attack was a big scare. She seems to be getting better but the hospital she's at doesn't seem to want to care for her. It kinda pisses me off. (Another reason why I hate doctors)
Anyways, I've been under a lot of stress. Not to mention broke as hell so I haven't been eating a lot lately. I tend to just focus on making sure my husband has enough to eat. I'm so very tired. I feel deflated. Like a blow -up doll with a hole in her chest. Sometimes, I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again. Just, sleep the rest of my life away. So very tired, and so very alone.
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